The Bachelorette; oh my.

Okay. So. Let’s talk about this. If you watched The Bachelorette last night, you are probably have as little faith as I do in the male gender. I’m not stupid; I know that show is scripted like none other, but THOSE MEN AGREED TO SAY THOSE THINGS. The producers sat them down, one by one, told them these ridiculous things to say/do, AND THEY AGREED. Like, what? You could be the best guy in the world, and once you agree to say those annoying things, no girl is ever going to want to be with you ever again. Fail. Rant over. Actually not really, because I’m probably going to say mean things this whole post. Bear with me.

Here are the main things that bugged me about last night’s episode:

  • They make it sound like some of these men have these amazing careers by over-exaggerating their job titles. You are not a “plumbing contractor,” you are a plumber. You are not an “entrepreneur,” you are unemployed. You are not a “beverage sales consultant,” you are a bartender. You get my point. Just be honest. There’s nothing wrong with being any of those things. I love a man who can fix my appliances, be lazy with me, and make me delicious drinks.
  • Don’t go shirtless. Don’t wear an iron suit. Don’t design your own clothes. Just cover your body and try to look normal.

  • Why are pick up lines necessary?! Why can’t you just introduce yourself and tell the girl she’s beautiful and walk away. That’s all you need. Otherwise you just look desperate and creepy and the pretty girl wants you to leave.

  • Please open your mouth when you speak. I have no idea what the guy’s name is, but one guy literally did not open his mouth when he spoke. It was so uncomfortable.
  • Men always seem to need to out-do each other. Can you please just be happy for the dude she gives a rose to because he is a dad and hot and nice and normal and you are a creepy, unemployed 35 year old? Why do you need to trash talk him and make yourself sound awesome? Why do you need to make yourself seem like a creep who is going to peek in her windows at night and drive by her house to see if she has company? I am not a fan.
  • They put beer in fancy glasses. Oh my goodness. This made me want to vomit a little bit. WHY DO YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR BEER IN A GLASS? Are you too good for a can or a bottle? Fun fact about me though. I am allergic to aluminum, so I can’t drink beer out of cans. I have a legitimate reason. My lips blow up like a balloon and I can’t breathe. So unless your life is at risk, please just don’t be a dick and use the can like a normal person. I am so sick of guys being prissier than girls. Be a man and don’t make her seem stronger and less dramatic than you please and thank you. Bring Sean back please.

  • And last but not least, whatever you do, do not ask a woman to have sex with you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. She will say no, you will be put on the pedophile list, other guys will threaten to beat you up, and you’re screwed in the romance department for life. If you are a male and you are reading this, I vote that before you think or so something you stop and consider if that is something you would want your future son to do or say. Or if that is something you would want said/done to your future daughter. If not, I highly suggest you don’t do it. Oh, and one more thing. Once she says no, don’t ask her again.

Now that you’ve officially heard me complain more than you ever needed to, here’s the good shit:

  • Desiree is absolutely gorgeous and cute and quirky and smart and has a light blue Bentley convertible and a mansion in Malibu, and now I want to be her.

  • Hot dad brought his adorable son, whom I want. I have never wanted to have a son, but if my son was going to look and act like that kid I would reconsider.
  • Any show that has someone involved in the military in it will make me watch it, pretty much no matter what. I can’t think of the dude’s name, but I would like to give him a hug. But he seems too perfect, so I wonder what his secret is and why he doesn’t have a girlfriend because of it….
  • Chris Harrison is hot. Why is he not the next bachelor?

  • It gives me an excuse to drink wine in bed at 8 p.m. every Monday.

So you can look forward to my rants every week now. They’re probably going to get worse and worse as the season goes on, so I hope you don’t hate me. I get way too worked up over TV. Honestly, I could do a TV rant every day of the week. That’s how many damn shows I watch. Between So You Think You Can Dance, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, The Bachelorette, Mistresses (cannot WAIT for this to start on Monday), and Pretty Little Liars, there’s 8 hours of my week gone. That’s kind of ridiculous. That’s like a whole work day…..hahahaha. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Please leave me your negative thoughts so I don’t feel like such a mean person.


  1. I watched this show for the first time yesterday on DVR and I basically could have said the same things. I just don’t GET it. At all. It’s kind of one of those things that’s too good not to watch. I see why people love it so much, but man oh man I would never date any of those guys.

    • allison.hayes91 says:

      Exactly! No matter how corny or scripted it gets, I don’t think I will stop watching it. :x

  2. I chose to watch the Bachelorette over the voice, and I was like “What Was I thinking?” Maybe it’s been too long, but this bunch of guys seemed like the worse one yet. BY FAR. I mean, between the knight in shining armor and the showy soccer player, I disliked MOST of them. How in the world will she find a diamond in that rough??

    While watching the show, I hugged my BF and thanked him for being normal. Here’s to hoping it gets a little better. That girl deserves better!

  3. I used to watch this show all the time, and now I think i need to bring it back, mostly to see the little boy and the one in the military.. they’d be pretty cool to check out. I still am in love with Trista, and I think her season was the best one they ever had, in my opinion of course. Now that Chris is divorced, he should be the bachelor!!

  4. Hot dad with adorable son = my ovaries started cheering. Literally, they started cheering, and then crying in protest because I keep wasting the damn eggs they put out every month. And the magician. The f*cking magician. Wait… He was actually a magician/tailor. Totally normal combination of careers.

  5. Don’t worry about the rants, my sister and I watch it and we pretty much trash talk the entire time. Seriously though do you think with so many d-bags that Des would ask the producers for a re-do. Like send them all back in the limo and bring in some real men… Oh well it makes for good drama and that’s why I keep watching it!

  6. It never ceases to amaze me just how scripted the show can be. I think it’s more obvious during Bachelorette seasons because it’s harder to push drama with a big group of guys vs. women. Regardless, “will you accept these abs”?! Umm, no.

    P.S. I LOVE that Hunger Games e-card. So, so true. Haha

  7. Thank you for putting my thoughts onto paper! Seriously, the amount of creepers this season is UNREAL!

  8. Yeah, pretty much my thoughts exactly, and I’m definitely sure that I’ve posted that photo of sean in a towel before =)
    I keep telling myself that I’m not going to get sucked in, and I do….but I really wish these guys could just be normal, wear normal clothes, and have normal introductions!

  9. I have all of the same sentiments as you do! Seriously, what are wrong with these men??! I *think* I like the dad but who shows off their kid on national TV and is apparently BFF with his baby mama but doesn’t marry her? I don’t know, something doesn’t seem right to me… Love our Twitter chats during the show ;)

  10. Clearly, we are solemates. Our bachelor viewing parties would be the best thing in the entire world.

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