Cool stuff.

You guys. When I started this blog it was all health and fitness and advice and professional and stuff, and now……..it is this; haha. What happened. Apparently I just like to tell you all the ridiculous things that go through my mind on a daily basis. A while ago I did a post on all of my favorite things, and if I had a little bit more drive and motivation I would probably scroll back and find it, but I don’t. So in case you care and want to be my best friend and provide these things for me, here you go: my best things right now.

  • reality TV

  • my iPhone
  • flip flops
  • Ingrid Michaelson
  • my sisters

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  • my pool

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  • sleep; so much sleep

  • kombucha; yeah judge me, I like it

  • the sun
  • pie
  • bronzer; oops
  • I’m sure Identity Thief will be on this list if I ever see it

  • this lotion

  • the fact that my free Pandora is back
  • VS hot pink shorts that are ridiculous looking but I don’t care

  • sangria
  • nice people

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  • sleeping with my window open
  • popsicles

  • my girls

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This is getting weird. Byeeeeee.

Favorite thing, ready set go.

The Bachelorette; oh my.

Okay. So. Let’s talk about this. If you watched The Bachelorette last night, you are probably have as little faith as I do in the male gender. I’m not stupid; I know that show is scripted like none other, but THOSE MEN AGREED TO SAY THOSE THINGS. The producers sat them down, one by one, told them these ridiculous things to say/do, AND THEY AGREED. Like, what? You could be the best guy in the world, and once you agree to say those annoying things, no girl is ever going to want to be with you ever again. Fail. Rant over. Actually not really, because I’m probably going to say mean things this whole post. Bear with me.

Here are the main things that bugged me about last night’s episode:

  • They make it sound like some of these men have these amazing careers by over-exaggerating their job titles. You are not a “plumbing contractor,” you are a plumber. You are not an “entrepreneur,” you are unemployed. You are not a “beverage sales consultant,” you are a bartender. You get my point. Just be honest. There’s nothing wrong with being any of those things. I love a man who can fix my appliances, be lazy with me, and make me delicious drinks.
  • Don’t go shirtless. Don’t wear an iron suit. Don’t design your own clothes. Just cover your body and try to look normal.

  • Why are pick up lines necessary?! Why can’t you just introduce yourself and tell the girl she’s beautiful and walk away. That’s all you need. Otherwise you just look desperate and creepy and the pretty girl wants you to leave.

  • Please open your mouth when you speak. I have no idea what the guy’s name is, but one guy literally did not open his mouth when he spoke. It was so uncomfortable.
  • Men always seem to need to out-do each other. Can you please just be happy for the dude she gives a rose to because he is a dad and hot and nice and normal and you are a creepy, unemployed 35 year old? Why do you need to trash talk him and make yourself sound awesome? Why do you need to make yourself seem like a creep who is going to peek in her windows at night and drive by her house to see if she has company? I am not a fan.
  • They put beer in fancy glasses. Oh my goodness. This made me want to vomit a little bit. WHY DO YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR BEER IN A GLASS? Are you too good for a can or a bottle? Fun fact about me though. I am allergic to aluminum, so I can’t drink beer out of cans. I have a legitimate reason. My lips blow up like a balloon and I can’t breathe. So unless your life is at risk, please just don’t be a dick and use the can like a normal person. I am so sick of guys being prissier than girls. Be a man and don’t make her seem stronger and less dramatic than you please and thank you. Bring Sean back please.

  • And last but not least, whatever you do, do not ask a woman to have sex with you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. She will say no, you will be put on the pedophile list, other guys will threaten to beat you up, and you’re screwed in the romance department for life. If you are a male and you are reading this, I vote that before you think or so something you stop and consider if that is something you would want your future son to do or say. Or if that is something you would want said/done to your future daughter. If not, I highly suggest you don’t do it. Oh, and one more thing. Once she says no, don’t ask her again.

Now that you’ve officially heard me complain more than you ever needed to, here’s the good shit:

  • Desiree is absolutely gorgeous and cute and quirky and smart and has a light blue Bentley convertible and a mansion in Malibu, and now I want to be her.

  • Hot dad brought his adorable son, whom I want. I have never wanted to have a son, but if my son was going to look and act like that kid I would reconsider.
  • Any show that has someone involved in the military in it will make me watch it, pretty much no matter what. I can’t think of the dude’s name, but I would like to give him a hug. But he seems too perfect, so I wonder what his secret is and why he doesn’t have a girlfriend because of it….
  • Chris Harrison is hot. Why is he not the next bachelor?

  • It gives me an excuse to drink wine in bed at 8 p.m. every Monday.

So you can look forward to my rants every week now. They’re probably going to get worse and worse as the season goes on, so I hope you don’t hate me. I get way too worked up over TV. Honestly, I could do a TV rant every day of the week. That’s how many damn shows I watch. Between So You Think You Can Dance, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, The Bachelorette, Mistresses (cannot WAIT for this to start on Monday), and Pretty Little Liars, there’s 8 hours of my week gone. That’s kind of ridiculous. That’s like a whole work day…..hahahaha. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Please leave me your negative thoughts so I don’t feel like such a mean person.

How was your weekend?

Lucky for most of us that we don’t work today and get an even longer weekend! I would be good with working approximately 1.3 days a week and just playing the rest; that would be fine. This weekend made me super excited that it’s almost summertime. I mean technically since I have a real person job now and I’m not in school anymore there’s no break like there used to be, but I just think people are happier when the weather is nicer, myself included. These are definitely my favorite summer things:

  • bonfires, which absolutely includes roasting marshmallows and drinking beer
  • going swimming in my pool, which means laying on a raft and taking a nap
  • riding bikes and walking instead of driving
  • going on little mini trips to cute beach-y towns
  • being able to sleep with my window open
  • eating dinner outside
  • going barefoot; I really, really hate shoes
  • going out for ice cream
  • watermelon.

Now if only Michigan would cooperate and stop having freeze warnings at night.

I did so many random things this weekend, so here’s all my professionally taken photographs for your enjoyment.

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This delicious thing from my favorite Starbucks girl ever. She’s super cute. It’s something called a lime refresher or something like that and it is wonderful. Only vodka could make it better. But when you are trying on approximately 462 bathing suits at Victoria’s Secret, you may need 5 of these drinks because I drink them in 2.2 sips. That was a lot of numbers right there; wow.

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All my new purchases! I think in that pile there’s a bunch of body lotion stuff from Lush, clothes from Forever 21, bikini and dress from Victoria’s Secret, Bath and Body Works candles, and probably other random things that I already forgot about and obviously don’t need.

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I had this delicious sake that tastes like champagne and flowers and sunshine. And some wine. Whoops.

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I also tried sushi for the first time. It had asparagus, avocado, and cucumber. It was good, but nothing I could eat a lot of. It’s really good dipped in their fancy sauces. I thought it would be good dipped in ranch, but apparently hibachi houses don’t carry that. Rude.

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And then since I am a crazy, old cat lady at the ripe age of 21, here’s a picture of my cat laying on my dress. Fascinating, yeah?

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SELFIE. Oh my goodness, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

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Put this together and started to plan stuff for my next fitness challenge. Now I just need to concentrate a little bit and actually put some of my ideas on paper. “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER CAROL.” Major points for you if you can tell me what movie that quote is from.

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I went to a farmer’s market with momma, and we got these phenomenal little puffs of heaven. Actually they’re scones. And one is cinnamon chip and one is raspberry white chocolate I think, but who care because THEY ARE SO GOOD. That’s all.

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I think I listened to the song Boys Round Here by Blake Shelton about a million times over the past 3 days.

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My little sister’s friend did my hair SO cute. My hair is either curly and wild or straight as a board in a ponytail, so this is big for me. I want her to come over every morning and make my hair look super cute.

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Being a completely typical girl and taking a picture before I go out. Don’t judge me. Actually you can. I already judged myself a long time for this.

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And when I got home at 2:30 in the morning, this is what was waiting on my bed to greet me. She literally just sits there like a human and waits for me to get home. It’s quite adorable.

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My super cute friend with really good hair and I in our matching leather jackets (:

And I really just wanted to share this with you because it is hilarious.

Send me your favorite YouTube video!

Lots of playing & Pressed Juicery cleanse.

I am exhausted. Yesterday was quite the day. It was absolutely beautiful here in Michigan, so the girls and I decided to spend the whole day outside.

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I cannot tell you the last time when I spent a significant amount of time outside literally playing. We packed up a picnic and took it to the park, played on the playground, fed the ducks, went home and played on the tree house, and literally continued to play for 3 more hours.

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I felt old. I kid you not, there was one point where I was on the ground and went to stand up and my knee cramped up and I had to grasp the wall to get up. Like, really? Am I 90?

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Then I went to the gym to train and proceeded to run for 45 minutes and for some ridiculous reason decide to do sprint training. Once again, why? I think because I knew I was starting the Pressed Juicery cleanse today and wanted to sweat it out one time before I really have to tone my workouts down for the next 3 days.

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I am so excited to get my shipment of juices this morning! The cleanse I am doing is the summer 3-day cleanse. These are the juices I will be drinking every day:

  • Greens 2: kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, cucumber, celery, apple, lemon
  • Citrus 2: pineapple, apple, lemon, mint
  • Roots 3: beet, apple, lemon, ginger
  • Citrus 4: cucumber, pineapple, lemon, coconut h2o, aloe vera
  • Greens 3: kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, cucumber, celery, apple, lemon, ginger
  • Vanilla almond: almonds, dates, vanilla bean, sea salt, filtered water
  • aloe vera h2o
  • chlorophyll h2o

I honestly think the hardest part for me will be not drinking alcohol :x Is that pathetic? I think so, but hopefully this cleanse will make me not want wine so much every night. I am excited to prove to myself that I actually have a little bit of self-control, which I’m sure will go a long way beyond the actual cleanse itself. I will be doing a full recap as the days go on, but for now I want to talk about So You Think You Can Dance.

Okay, I know Alex watches it, but for anyone out there who isn’t watching this show, WHY THE HELL NOT?! This show seriously makes my summer so much better. I think I cry at every episode, but that’s okay. I am just so happy for all those young people that actually have talent and are working their asses off. The end.

I have nothing else to say except I gotta go drink my juice and hopefully not turn into a raging lunatic in the next 3 days. Wish me luck!

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What’s your favorite summer TV show?